Title: Home

Summary: Tsuyoshi tries to find his true self in the cut-throat world of the entertainment industry. What he finds in that ‘home’ really isn’t that far away.

Disclaimer: Do I look like a very rich old man who owns an entire agency of young, shiny, sparkly and ghei pretty boys? The answer is no.

A/N: Another drabble that popped up in the shower. Oh, and happy birthday, gally04 ! It didn’t really start off as a birthday present, but would you accept this as a birthday present? ^^;

Note: Written in Tsuyoshi’s POV

The lights are blinding. The sounds overwhelming. The screams, the cheers, the entire vibe of the crowd pulls me in.

I smile, and I wave. I reach over and pull him into a hug. And the crowd roars.

I can hear his laughter in my ear, feel a few solid pats to my back. Then we separate and grin.

We do this. Because we were told to.

It makes the fans happy. And when the fans are happy, the jimusho is always happy.

Somewhere along the way, I became another person.

I thought like I was supposed to, did as I was told. Smiled and was the apple of everyone’s eye.

The quintessential idol.

 It scared me.

Johnny-san understood. He gave me his blessing.

All I have to do now is tell him.

I have to do this, I tell him. For me. It’s important for me to find my ‘home’. To find myself.

He is shocked, but he understands as well. He, too, gives me his blessing.

And thus began my journey to find myself. My true self.

Of course, I couldn’t completely break away from him. We are a duo.

But I was afraid of being too dependent on the security of our relationship. Too afraid that I would be lulled back into the comfort of what we have.

Too afraid that I would give up the journey to find my ‘home’.

I kept him at a distance.

I saw the hurt in his eyes, but I was determined. Things got pretty rough, and the cracks showed for the world to see.

And yet, I couldn’t give up the journey. I had to forge ahead.

It was a long journey, I dabbled in a lot of things. I saw a lot of things. Had many different experiences.

Too afraid that I would lose my determination, I kept my gaze steadfastly forward. Never turning back.

Even then, I never felt alone. There was always a presence behind me. It comforted me.

When I got weary, I could lean back. I felt the presence silently supporting me. The burdens would seem bearable again, and I could continue.

When my determination faltered, I would feel a small push from behind, urging me on.

I am thankful for the presence, but I will not look back. I have too much to risk.

I am now coming to the end of my journey. I have seen what I am capable of.

I have found a direction. I have rediscovered the person I once was, and who I really am.

I have found inner peace.

From all my experiences, I realized that I was never a different person.

The real me was just quietly residing in the louder, more flashy public persona of me.

I was myself all along.

Now, I realize that turning back doesn’t mean defeat. It doesn’t mean I have given up on my true self.

I will always be me. As long as I know, in my heart, who I am.

As I prepare to turn back, I am nervous.

What will I see? Who will I see? Will I be accepted back by everyone?

The comforting presence once again envelops me. It’s alright, it tells me. Turn around.

I take a deep breath and turn.

I see him, and he has a smile on his face.

Realization hits me. He was with me all along. He supported me, even when I kept him at arm’s length.

Now, I know. The journey to find myself has come full circle.

Okaeri, he says, the smile still on his face.

Tadaima, I answer, my own smile shining back at him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* owari *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Again, I’m trying out another style of writing that I’m not usually fond of using. It was hard… but hopefully it turned out alright. Feedback is always loved!