Title: PiKazu! I choose you!

Disclaimer: Do I look like a very rich old man who owns an agency full of hot, shiny, sparkly young boys to you? The answer is no.

Summary: Ryo and Pi are sick of Jin being in denial over his oh-so-obvious obsession over one Kamenashi Kazuya. Ryo and Pi are bored too. So, Ryo decides to make Pi execute his brilliant match-making plan.

A/N: A crack-ish extension of the PiKazu drabble from Especially For You. This is especially dedicated to akame_hime  for her lovely present. I hope you like it~

 

 

“Pi, I’m bored,” Ryo muttered.

Yamapi made a sleepy sound of acknowledgement, burying his head deeper into Massu’s stomach. Finding it too hard for his liking, he grabbed the pillow that Shige had over his head and placed it between his head and Massu’s rumbling stomach.

“Gyoza~”

“I’ve got cookies, Massu. Really yummy cookies,” Koyama mumbled, throwing an arm over Tegoshi’s chest, making the latter fidget across Ryo’s lap.

“Are you listening to me at all, Yamashita Tomohisa?” Ryo glared at his best friend.

Yamapi sleepily hugged his pillow tighter. “Yes, Ryo-chan.”

Ryo was about to throw something at Yamapi to wake him up so he could make him un-bored when the door to NEWS’ room slammed open.

“Pi! I’m not having dinner with you and Ryo-chan tonight,” Jin yelled.

“Going for dinner with your boyfriend, Fat Jin?” Ryo seized the chance to distract himself from his sleeping group members.

Jin stomped in. “I don’t have a boyfriend, shortie. I like girls.”

“So what’s all this clinging to Kame called?” Ryo retorted, noticing that Yamapi had one eye cracked open.

They were both well aware of Jin’s obsession with everything related to Kame, even if the idiot was still in complete denial after all these years. Jin’s incredible mood swings when Kame hooked up with that older woman had really tested their patience.

At one point, they were tempted to shove Jin and Kame into a closet to get the baka to come to terms with his feelings, but decided against it when Kame had taken up boxing for his drama.

TTUN were more than willing to help out, especially Koki. All their efforts amounted to was Junno getting kicked repeatedly, Koki getting his hair style mysteriously changed by different stylists and Nakamaru becoming AD repeatedly and doing death-defying stunts for cartoon KAT-TUN.

No one dared to mess with Ueda. And Ueda was not particularly interested in participating in anything Ryo was a part of, regardless of how brilliant Ryo thought his plans were.

“It’s called me and Kame,” Jin answered matter-of-factly. “It’s unexplainable.”

“It’s called denial, Bakanishi,” Yamapi muttered, closing his eyes again. “Get in into your thick head.”

“I still don’t get why you guys think I’m in love with Kame,” Jin mused, helping himself to Koyama’s cookies on the dressing table. “You’d think I’d know if I was in love with Kame.”

“That’s because your IQ is lower than Massu’s gyoza,” Ryo replied, moving his arms just in time to avoid Massu’s open mouth.

“Gyoza~” Massu mumbled, his mouth making chomping actions.

Jin took a look at the dogpile that was NEWS, and shook his head. “Thank God KAT-TUN doesn’t have orgies like this,” he muttered, shuddering.

“Yeah, we know you’d just like to have Kame and Kame alone,” Yamapi sighed, sitting up after realizing that he would not be able to get any sleep with Jin around.

Jin rolled his eyes. “For the last time, I’m not in love with Kame. Never was, never will be.”

“Then all that jealous rage when he was with that,” Yamapi wrinkled his nose, “woman?”

Jin scoffed. “I wasn’t jealous. I just didn’t think they were right for each other. And I was right, wasn’t I?”

Seeing an opening, Ryo joined in the conversation. “So who would be right for Kame? In your opinion.”

Tapping his finger on his chin, Jin pursed his lips in thought. “Kame needs someone who spoils him. Someone to take care of him, because the idiot puts himself after everyone else. Someone who gets along with his family. Someone who likes him for being him. Oh! And someone who’ll get Ran-chan the perfect boyfriend,” Jin ticked off each quality on his fingers.

“Don’t you spoil him?” Ryo asked, raising an eyebrow. “You eat all his tomatoes. You drive him everywhere. You insist on paying for everything when you’re together. And you even buy him girly magazines.”

“And you’re the one who drags him out from his house to eat something, especially after he’s had a long day of work and would rather stay at home and not eat,” Yamapi joined in.

Jin opened his mouth to retort.

“And don’t get us started on how much your families are practically like in-laws,” Yamapi quickly cut in.

“You liked him when he had those horrendous eyebrows. I think that sums it all pretty well,” Ryo chipped in. “Are you sure you’re not describing yourself?”

Jin huffed. “Pi does all that for Kame too. I don’t see you thinking he and Kame have a relationship.”

“AKANISHI JIN! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BACK IN REHEARSAL 15 MINUTES AGO!!” a bellow was heard down the hallway.

Giving a loud squeak, Jin hurriedly dashed out of the room, his profuse apologies to Kame fading as he ran after his angry group member.

“He’ll never learn,” Yamapi sighed, flopping back down on Massu’s stomach. The younger boy gave a light ‘oof’ before resuming his quiet snoring.

Ryo had a gleam in his eyes. “Yes, he will, Pi. Yes, he will.”

“How?” Yamapi yawned.

Ryo cackled quietly to himself. “You’re buying a puppy.”

“EH?!”

~*~*~

“Shu~ji-kun,” Yamapi sing-songed as he flapped his way into KAT-TUN’s room. He had been outside the door for half an hour, waiting for them to take a break from rehearsing their new dance steps.

Kame looked up and smiled at their guest. “Yes, Akira-chan?” he laughed as Yamapi flopped himself on the floor next to Kame and hugged him from behind.

Yamapi pointedly ignored the death glares Jin was throwing at him behind his back. TTUN snickered at the side, relaxing and enjoying the show.

Everyone knew how devastated Jin was when he was not chosen for Nobuta wo Produce. Yamapi and Kame patching up their friendship and becoming close again was also a blow to Jin. Now he had to share Kame with his other best friend, and Jin had spent weeks sulking.

Even now, he would bristle at any mention of Nobuta wo Produce or the names Shuji or Akira. It was something Yamapi usually took advantage of when he wanted to annoy Jin.

“Do I spoil you?” Yamapi asked. Kame gave him a weird look before nodding.

“Do I take care of you?” Yamapi rested his chin on Kame’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Kame replied, gently bumping his head on Yamapi’s.

TTUN discreetly looked at Jin’s reaction from the corner of their eyes. Yamapi was pushing it, and they really did not want to have to explain how JE’s golden boy got mauled to death in their rehearsal room.

“Do you like me as much as I like you?” Yamapi continued, resisting the urge to shudder at the murderous aura Jin was emitting at him.

Kame made a thoughtful face, pausing for a few moments before grinning widely. “I think I like you more.”

"Help me pick out a puppy?" Yamapi beamed, only to hear Jin choke on his water at the side.

Kame tilted his head curiously. "A puppy? What for, Pi-chan?"

"I thought Ran could get a boyfriend! She's a pretty lady, I'm sure she'd love the company," Yamapi looked imploringly at Kame. "I even have the name picked out!"

Kame laughed lightly. "A boyfriend for Ran-chan? That sounds like a great idea. What's his name?"

"PiKazu!" Yamapi said. A fountain of water erupted behind him. "Like Pikachu, except way cooler!"

Kame wrinkled his nose at Jin. "Jin, can you not spit your water out like that? It's unhygienic."

Yamapi would have cackled, but he knew better than to push his luck.

"It's a date then, Kame! I'll see you after work!" Yamapi called out as he left the room, deciding it was suicidal to push his luck by staying in there any longer with a fuming Akanishi Jin.

~*~*~

“Sorry I’m late,” Kame panted as he jogged over to Yamapi. “Jin kept messing up his steps so we ended late. Then he looked completely sad for some reason, so I stayed with him for a bit.”

Yamapi smiled widely, opening the passenger door to his car for Kame. “Don’t worry about it. I know how Jin can get sometimes,” he winked at the younger boy.

Kame gave Yamapi a grateful smile and hopped into the car. As they exited the building, Kame noticed Jin walking with his head down at the side of the road. The A of KAT-TUN had his shoulders sagged downwards and was dragging his feet as he walked.

“Pi, can we just do this another day?” Kame suddenly asked, giving the other boy an apologetic look. “I can’t just leave Jin like that.”

Yamapi looked over Kame’s shoulder and gave a smile. “Tell you what. We’ll bring Jin along. He’ll cheer up.”

Kame reached over and gave Yamapi a hug. “You’re the best, Pi!”

Stupid Ryo, Jin thought, kicking a stone. Kame’s out with Pi and Ryo, the insensitive best friend, had to go take my car to see Uchi. I hate them. Kame~

“Jin!”

Snapping his head up, Jin was surprised to see Kame waving to him from Yamapi’s car. “Kame?”

“Jin, hop in!” Kame hollered over the sound of traffic. He waved Jin over.

“Kame!” Jin yelled, running to the car with a smile on his face. Quickly hopping into the back seat, Jin gave Yamapi’s hair a quick ruffle. “Hi to you too, Pi!”

Yamapi looked up from his mobile. “Hey, Jin!” Quickly hitting the send button, Yamapi kept his phone back into his pocket.

~*~*~

“Everything’s going as planned,” Ryo read the text he received. Grinning from ear to ear, he slipped his phone back into his pocket.

Yokoyama exchanged glances with Junno. “I don’t like the look on Dokkun’s face.”

“Boys, let’s go,” Ryo waved the small crowd of JE idols to the exit. “The moment we’ve all been waiting for is going to arrive soon. Follow me if you want to witness history.”

~*~*~

Jin stood at the corner of the pet store, pouting. The parrot next to him squawked. “Baka! Baka!”

Glaring at the parrot, Jin was about to swat the bird over the head when Kame’s squeal caught his attention.

“You’re so cute!” Kame cooed to the West Highland White Terrier puppy^[1] flopped down on the floor. The puppy’s ears perked up and he looked at Kame curiously.

Holding his hands out to the puppy, Kame started to baby-talk. “C’mere… Come to Daddy~”

Yamapi laughed out loud. “You can’t do it like that, Kame-chan~,” he put his hands on Kame’s shoulder. “You should say-“

“PiKazu! I choose you!” Kame’s boisterous laughter filled the store as they both said out the famous line from Pokemon.

The little puppy yipped and bounded happily over to the two laughing boys. It wagged its tail as Kame scooped him up.

“You’re definitely a keeper,” Kame nuzzled the puppy’s fur. The furball licked Kame’s face happily and yipped again.

Yamapi shot a quick look at Jin, and immediately recognized the look on his mabudachi’s face. Perfect. One more little push…

“Do you like your new daddies?” Yamapi scratched the puppy behind the ears. “I think our baby likes us, Shuuji-kun,” Yamapi gave Kame an indulgent smile.

“THAT’S IT!!”

All attention was turned to one Akanishi Jin.

“Jin?” Kame asked, concerned by Jin’s sudden outburst.

“This-“ Jin gestured vaguely, getting frustrated. “This is all wrong!”

“Jin, we’re just choosing a puppy,” Yamapi drawled, draping an arm over Kame’s shoulders.

“Get your hand off him, Pi!” Jin snarled.

Yamapi held both hands up in front of him. “No need to get possessive, mabudachi.” At the back of his mind, he was thinking, Ryo-chan, you’d better be ready to get me out of here before I lose a limb.

Kame held the whimpering puppy to his chest. “Look what you did, Jin. You scared PiKazu.”

Turning his glare to Kame, Jin stomped over. “It’s all your fault!”

“My fault?!” Kame sputtered.

“Yeah! YOU! You and your endless list of wrong relationships. And all that crying when they don’t work out. And letting Pi and Ryo and Koki get their grubby paws on you,” Jin ranted.

Yamapi tried very hard to suppress a grin, inching away from the two. Kame just looked confused.

“Things would never be wrong if you chose the right person to be with in the first place. Then you wouldn’t have to buy Ran-chan a boyfriend. And you wouldn’t have to go on this date with Pi. And then I wouldn’t have to be here watching you go on a date with Pi,” Jin continued, not really knowing what he was saying, his mouth working faster than his brain.

“The right person? Who’s supposed to be the right person? How the hell would I know who’s the right person for me?” Kame challenged, becoming defensive due to Jin’s sudden accusations.

“Are you blind?! Of course it’s me, Kazu!” Jin grabbed Kame’s shoulders in frustration, giving the younger boy a quick shake. “If you just open your eyes and look at me! I’ve been here forever! And you keep screwing with my mind! I don’t know if I like you or want to kill you! Gods!!”

Kame blinked a few times as Jin released him to run a hand through his hair and stalk back to the now silent parrot.

“Jin, did you just say you-“ Kame started, realization dawning in his eyes.

Jin whirled back to face Kame. “Didn’t you hear me the first time? I like you, okay? And I don’t like it when you’re all nice and close to the rest of them, alright? I like you. I like you. I like you, dammit, I really like you!”

Suddenly, Jin clapped his hand over his mouth, shock evident in his eyes. Kame could barely make out the muffled “Omigod. I like you?!” Jin squeaked out.

Kame sighed and cocked his head to the side. “Finally figured it out, Bakanishi?”

“Kame, I like you!” Jin exclaimed, rushing back over to envelop Kame into a hug. “I like you!”

“Took you long enough,” Kame’s muffled reply was heard.

Cheers erupted throughout the store, as the other idols poured out from the back of the store. “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” they began chanting, clapping along with wide grins on their faces.

Kame gave them a half-hearted glare before Jin gently tilted Kame’s face to his. “We can’t disappoint the audience, right?” Jin said, a twinkle in his eyes.

A slight blush made its way to Kame’s face. “Don’t use that on me,” he admonished with a pout.

“You know you want to,” Jin laughed. Suddenly, he cleared his throat nervously. “Can I?”

Kame turned to the puppy. “What do you think?”

The puppy was happy that all the attention was finally back on him. It gave a happy yip and wagged its tail.

Jin beamed and gave Kame a chaste kiss on the lips. Cheers and wolf whistles filled the store.

*~*~*~*~*~*~ owari ~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Omake:

“PiKazu!”

“Shut up, Pi! That’s not his name! And you! Stop answering everyone! Your name isn’t PiKazu or KoKame or RyoKame or Kameno or Kamemaru! And it sure as hell ain’t JohnnyNashi!”

“Jin! Stop yelling at the dog. He’s terrified! Come to Daddy, you poor baby.”

“But Kame~”

“No buts! I’m not calling him KaJi ^[2]. He’s not a fire disaster .PiKazu is a cute name.”

“Kame~”

“Enough. You’ve got a dog called Pin. I can very well call him PiKazu.”

Notes:

[1] This is what PiKazu looks like~ Adorable, isn’t he?

 
(grabbed off the Internet)

 

[2] KaJi – 火事 which means fire, as in a fire broke out in the house and it burned down. Or there were two fatalities in the pre-dawn fire in that house.

 

 

A/N: Yay! Finally finished something!